5 Unacceptable Behaviors That Will Destroy Your Relationship Real Fast
Relationships are hard. They’re not like eating a delicious egg. They’re tough, they take work and they can fall to pieces as quickly and easily as some candy floss that a raccoon dropped in a puddle. But they can also be great. You have to be as good as that love. You have to be its equal. You have to be a delicious egg about the whole thing.
1. Using Ultimatums As A Means Of Control
It goes something like this: ”This makes me not want to be with you,” ”if you keep getting upset I’ll leave” or ”your problems put too much pressure on me.” In this moment you’re taking off the hat that says good rational partner. Yeah I don’t know why anyone would sell those designs either but that’s fashion, baby. No rules in fashion. There are rules, however, for being a good boyfriend or girlfriend. Ultimatums are just threats dressed up in real fancy shoes, and they don’t have a place in a healthy relationship.
How to cut it out: Instead of using your presence in someone’s life as a bargaining tool you could…not…do… that…thing? Listen, whether you accept it as such or not, it’s just a way of exercising control over a person. And it’s agony when it happens to you. So when you catch yourself doing it, tell yourself enough, don’t do that anymore. Because if you keep it up eventually you won’t be the leaving, you”ll be the left. Just a single egg. All alone. All by itself. Forever.
2. Punishing Them For Disappointing You
You aren’t little Timmy’s dad taking away his allowance until he starts doing his homework. Little Timmy isn’t real. He’s from cartoons. Grow up. No, you’re in an equal partnership with an equal who is equally equal to you. You know? The minute it becomes your objective to punish someone for messing up rather than communicating and working out a way to get past it, you’ve lost. of you
How to cut it out: Use your brain for more than fourteen seconds and consider what happened. Did your partner do something with the intention of hurting you? If yes, maybe they suck and are from the swamp and you don’t need them anyway. Or was it just a human mistake that a human being from Earth might make? If yes, then work on finding a solution together. Forgiveness is magic, fucker, and don’t ever forget it.
3. Condemning The Qualities That You Used To Celebrate Them For
The early days of a relationship are great. It’s like the other person is perfect and everything they do is amazing and life changing. Just the way they slice a tomato gets you like ”wow…I’ve never seen anything like this. Nobody else on earth could slice a tomato like that. I can’t wait to marry this girl and watch her slice tomatoes until I die.” But that’s just the honeymoon phase. After that things get a little more challenging. You get into a routine, you feel a little too comfortable, you stop being so googly eyed. Just the way they slice tomatoes gets you pissed off. ‘Why’s she using that knife… it’s too blunt. It’s compromising the crispness of the entire cut.
How to cut it out: Learn to objectively recognize positive qualities in people. If you catch yourself being petty or cruel to someone for just being themselves then you need to have a word with yourself. Maybe you’re done with the relationship. If that’s the case it’s cool, life does be like that sometimes. But don’t ever let it get to the point where you’re trying to change or dilute the good parts of someone just to make them more palatable to you.
4. Letting Them Continue To Work Hard At A Relationship You Know Isn’t Going Anywhere
This is like inviting someone to build a delicious cake with you but then refusing to do any of the whisking. It’s like sitting back and watching them bake, watching them carefully measure out all of the ingredients, watching them break eggs and melt butter and all the while you’re thinking about a batch of cookies that doesn’t even exist yet. And when the cake’s ready and iced and looking good you thank them, and hand them their coat, and you eat the cake by yourself whilst they walk home in the rain. It’s exactly the same as that.
How to cut it out: Stop eating the cake! Stop drinking the pickle juice! Just stop wasting people’s time! Denial is like a volcano, real toasty and comfortable, but if you hang around inside one too long you DIE. If it’s not it, say it’s not it. Break it off. Don’t settle. Don’t prolong anyone’s pain. Go and get a milkshake.
5. Measuring Them By Standards You Refuse To Be Measured By Yourself
If you want someone to communicate well then don’t take four days to reply to a text. If you want to be emotionally cared for then you better be ready to offer your own shoulder to lean on. Relationships are an exchange of goodness, they’re a partnership. So stop asking for unwavering loyalty and care from someone who you treat with a kind lukewarm indifference. There’s an unfortunate abundance of people out there willing to accept far less than they deserve and give far more than they should. Don’t take advantage of that fact.
How to cut it out: What’s the deal with you anyway? You want a girl who’s energetic, beautiful, always in a good mood. She has long shiny hair and eats apples right out of your hand
