Don’t Ever Pull Any Of These Terrible Online Dating Moves, Dude

Dating is difficult, and that’s true whether we meet someone on an app or at a bar. But as we switch things up in the digital domain, there’s certain classic red flags that become ever more apparent.Every online dating faux pas or rude behavior is a variant of a non-online one, of course, and online dating behaviors are making it ever-easier to do them.

Also, if you know what you want, it can be easier to recognize when this isn’t it. How many people have become an occasional booty call because they really wanted to be someone’s primary partner, but settled? That’s everyone’s right, but being clear may help you maintain your boundaries and standards. Being single does NOT suck as much as dealing with someone who doesn’t respect you.

1. Ghosting

Ghosting is a huge problem. Especially with today’s casual dating culture, ghosting is on the up and up. Whether it’s sudden or slow, the withdrawal without confrontation, without reason, without a firm end, without a conversation, can happen after one date, one month of dating, or even one year. It leaves the ghosted feeling insecure, wondering what they did wrong, questioning their date-ability, and likely becoming jaded about the entire dating ”game.” Yes, it’s hard to utter those painful two words: ‘It’s over,’ and it’s also necessary . If you know how to do it and exactly what to say, it’s less difficult.

2. Benching

If you are rarely hearing from someone, but just enough to keep that door open, chances are you are experiencing ‘benching’ – ghosting’s sneaky cousin. Dating is numbers game and some of us will keep as many potentials on the hook as possible until either one emerges as the winner of their affections, or they just constantly cycle new ones in, like some left swipe-fueled Ponzi scheme.

When you are being benched, it may feel something like you are part of a harem situation, or you are being rotated through a batting order. As time goes on and on, you may reach different standings in that batting order, but chances are at times you are rarely hearing from that person, and it makes you begin to wonder if you ever will again.

And if you’re in the harem, it feels like feast or famine: three solid hours of texting one night… then three solid days of silence. The only thing to do is beat them at their own game. Be the bencher, not the benchee. Angsting is like any other craving: it passes more quickly if you have something to occupy your mind with .

3. The Absence Of Chivalry

Sure, chemistry is fun, but it’s the chivalry, the conversation, and the connection that is magical.

”Dating apps and online dating makes casual ”hangouts” not only easy, but expected. If you’re sick of the casual “hangout” that leads to a casual noncommittal relationship, you need to take control of the dating platform and set the expectation of being serious and on-purpose for a real relationship by creating opportunities for real connection through pre-date conversations where you ask real substantive questions and make an effort to prequalify . Then go on a real date.

Not a coffee date or a quick drink, but a date. Linger for a little while over that gimlet, or make reservations for dinner.

4. Misrepresenting Yourself

When your date misrepresents themselves that starts everything off as a giant red flag. ‘Whether it be by 40 pounds, 10 years, or 8 inches in height, our default response is to be nice and just get through it.

What to do instead? ”Take a deep breath, dig deep for your kindest tone and then say, ”Oh hi there! Hey, it looks like you’ve stretched a little in your profile. That’s not going to work for me, and I’m not going to stay for this date. Have a nice day.” There’s a big difference between being nice and being kind. Kind is gently telling the truth, nice is grinning and tolerating their lies, says Newman. Be kind  not nice.

5. The Constant Craving For More

This is something that’s out in full force in the dating world. The potential for someone richer, hotter, funnier, more intellectual, more interesting, more ”your type” is forever just a Tinder swipe away — and it can affect how you treat the people right in front of you.

”More than opportunity, daters are less aware of their dating purpose and their needs and more driven by their wants.”When it comes to dating purpose, it’s having confident clarity on what you are ready for: fun, friends, or a relationship. Then you have to be true to that dating purpose and make sure that you date on purpose. Oftentimes a dater’s purpose and style don’t align. You might want something real, but you are acting like you are looking for fun.” That’s a huge mistake.